June 5th, 2025

 Well traveling in an RV can be fun. Seeing new places, meeting new friends, visiting family and friends along the way. But I hate traveling days, at least the set up and taking down part.  Craig gets frustrated too easily.  We've started getting everything put away the night before we leave which helps him not be in a bad mood when we're supposed to be traveling and enjoying the views.

Once we get there, depending on how late it is, we get the least set up as possible.  The electricity, Jack's, and TV at least.

Craig I believe has undiagnosed Bipolar.  He gets these mood swings.  He gets upset with himself when things don't go right.  Coming from a domestic violence situation these episodes are triggers for me. But, he has never hit me and takes care of me. He treats me very well.  You can find a decent spouse after DV. You just need lots of therapy to get to that point.

Anyways, going to bed, we have an early start tomorrow morning.  We're heading for the Grand Canyon and Kanab, UT.

June 3rd, 2025

We'll I'm not posting everyday but I am keeping up every few days.  I try to write something before I go to bed.  While I'm winding down for the evening. 

Today hit me pretty hard with a trigger. I had heard about the 3 girls missing in Washington state from visitation with they're father.  Well today I found out that they found the girls murdered presumably by their father.

Evelyn, Paityn and Olivia Decker Story

https://www.nbcbayarea.com/news/national-international/washington-state-father-missing-daughters-dead/3883547/

You see, after I left my kids father, he told my 5 year old son that he was getting married again because he needed a new mommy for when I was gone.  He had also told me for years he would kill them before he let me have custody of them.  So I feared for all our lives.  Luckily he never followed through with it but the threats made me fearful. 

I had to do some grounding exercises to begin with.

Health line

https://www.healthline.com/health/grounding-techniques

Then I did self talk to remind myself I'm not there anymore and I survived all that.

This also reminded me of the story of 

Teri Jendusa-Nicolai David story

https://www.womansday.com/relationships/dating-marriage/a58621/teri-jendusa-nicolai-domestic-violence-survivor/

She survived an attack by her Ex husbands who beat her and left her in a storage unit during the middle of winter in Illinois in a garbage can for dead.  This happened shortly after I left my husband. 

I also did some writing in my "Shadow Work Journal" book by Keila Shaheen, I highly recommend this book if you’ve already been doing therapy work with a licensed therapist. I don't endorse or get paid to recommend any products. But, I personally really like this book and it was recommended by my therapist.

June 1, 2025

Today was overcast and raining, so of course it was a bad headache day!  Being the first of the month it was also Aimovig shot day, which helps my headaches not be so intense.  But, the weather definitely has its affects on my brain.

Other than that it's been a good day. Church was great and said goodbye to everyone since we're leaving on the 6th to head back to WI.

I just headed to bed and without realizing it I began pulling out my eyebrows. Trichotilliomania there you go again. I am taking NAC (N-Acetyl Cysteine) for it per my psychiatrist. It's supposed to help with hair pulling or Trichotilliomania. I was 50 some years old before I knew it had a name and that others had it too.  I've been pulling my eyelashes and eyebrows since I was a child.  I'm assuming I started after being molested by a so called family friend.   He told me if I told anyone that he'd kill me, my family, and all my friends.  That's also when I started having my recurring nightmare about aliens coming and killing my family and friends in my neighborhood.   That didn't stop until 2015 when I went to a writing workshop for survivors of sexual abuse.  I wrote about a recurring dream or nightmare I had. It was a nightmare for me.  But, I never had that nightmare again after writing about it.

Writing has really helped me work though alot of issues in my life. It's been very therapeutic. 

A few years ago I wrote a book about my experiences with domestic violence and other abuses I've had to deal with in my life.  It's called "But, I never got a Black eye." It's on Amazon.com  If you get it, all I ask is that you share it with others who need it.