The Brain Injury

So let's start with my latest trial in my life.  I worked with Physically and Developmentally challenged adults in a day program. I was working one-on-one with an Autistic client.  I was changing him and he bolted for the door so without thinking, I jumped between the door and him.  He got frustrated and head butted me right in the front (the frontal lobe).  At first I thought I was fine. But that night, the headaches started.  Still didn't think anything was wrong.  They should have taken me to the hospital to get checked out, anytime you hit your head you should ALWAYS get it checked out I've learned.  That was even the policy at work.  Anyways, the next day I went to work with a splitting headache.  I asked the nurse for some Tylenol.  At the end of the day, it was hurting even more.I got some more Tylenol from the nurse.  That night I started feeling nausea and went to bed early, still had the headache and STILL didn't think anything was wrong. The next day, I woke up to the room spinning.  I THOUGHT I MIGHT have a concussion, still wasn't really worried.  I even drove myself to the Doctor's office.  The Nurse Practitioner came in looked me over, did some balance tests and said, "Yep you have a concussion." That's when I realized I really did.  Then the Nurse came in later and asked me how I got to the clinic.  When I said that I drove myself she said, "Well you won't be leaving here unless you have a ride, is there somebody you can call?  We want you to go to the ER and get a CT scan done."  My son came and got me and took me to the ER.  It was about a 4 hr wait until they finally got me in for a CT scan.  In the meantime I was having a severe headache and very Nauseas and at times dry heaving because I hadn't eaten all day.  So they found out I didn't have a skull fracture or bleeding on the brain, which is a good thing.  But, I did have a concussion.  It usually takes about a week or two to clear up but can last as long as 3 to 6 weeks. So when 6 weeks came and I was still having severe headaches, dizziness and cognitive problems, I was referred to a Neurologist.  I heard the same thing, it should last 3 to 6 weeks at the longest.  They kept me off work for another month or so then sent me back up to work, 4 hours a day for a week then back to full duty. But when I tried working that first full day back, I didn't make it past 4 hours.  My headache got worse the longer I worked and I got severely dizzy.  They ended up taking me to the clinic there at work.

Then what got me very upset was when I was talking to the Human Resource guy who was in charge of my case, He said,"Well Laurel, we looked at the tape of the accident and it doesn't appear you got hit as much as you're saying you did."  I lost it and probably said some unchristian like things.  I told him I would be more than willing to trade places with him. By then I had been having daily headaches from the time I woke up to the time I went to bed and this was about 4 months after the accident (Remember it's only supposed to last 3 to 6 weeks!)  I've learned EVERYONE is different and the more head trauma you have the worse it can be and the longer it can last. I'm not talking how bad the incident was, although that can make a difference too.  But how many times you've been hit in the head.  When asked early on, I always said, I'd never had a concussion before.  But the more I learned about the brain and brain injuries, I realized 1) I came from a Domestic Violence situation, so I had probably been thrown around and hit my head too many times to count.  I had probably had more than one concussion and never realized it.  2) I had three car accidents, one severely and had probably got a concussion or what they used to call whiplash (My head was definitely thrown around).

So this incident was merely the straw that broke the camel's back. It was severe but because of all the other incidents, that was why it was taking longer to go away.  It's been 22 months now and I still have a Mild Traumatic Brain Injury/ Concussion with Frontal Lobe Head Injury caused by Head Butt causing Occipital nerve damage. Which is causing daily headaches changing in severity from 3-9 on the pain level scale.

Dizziness with bending down,getting up too fast,and turning head. I'm off balance. Have trouble with sleep. Feel out of sorts, in a dream state or foggy head most of the time. I have blurry vision when reading for long periods. Sensitivity to lights and sound, which makes the headaches worse.

Aphasia forming words and sentences, at times, which frustrates me immensely. I have short term/working memory loss. I have to write everything down, I carry a pen and post-it with me wherever I go. If I don't write it down it's gone in a few minutes. I have Executive Functioning issues including organization, planning, problem solving, attention and concentration issues.

I can’t multitask anymore, which forme is a major frustration. I was the girl in the grocery store studying for a test with her flashcards and grocery shopping at the same time. I might also be seen on the phone dealing with some problem or another. I have trouble going up and down stairs (mostly down now, I get dizzy going down stairs. I have alot of stairs to my apartment!) I also have lack of normal activity- such as going to the Movies, dancing, teaching Sunday school (Primary), board games with my kids, doing genealogy work (which I love, it's my passion.), and many other things. Some Days, it's a struggle just to do normal housework and function at all. I am forcing myself to be a little more active lately. I've started doing Genealogy work a little at a time (But I used to spend hours doing it.) I still can't do movies at the theatre, it's too loud and too much action for my eyes. I've tried though, the kids got me to a few movies since the accident (but after the last one that my son Noah had to literally help me to the car because I was so dizzy,I said enough with those.), I've gone to a few dances at church but usually pay the price the next day for it. I have started to go back to teaching Primary again but can only stay about an hour sometimes less depending on how loud the children are (and I LOVE children!) Imiss playing board games with my children, but if it's a complicated game which is most of what my boys and I like,it's hard to learn a new game and all the rules and moves. I do still play with them but not as much as we used to and only if it's a game I already know how to play or an easier game to learn.

Life has definitely changed for me, I joke around and say God kept telling me to slow down and I wasn't listening so he had to literally bop me on the head for me to listen. LOL But, I was forced to slow down. So what could be the blessings from this horrible situation you ask, well first of all I have slowed down and see life in a different perspective now.I actually stop and smell the roses and take notice of the life around me more. I have had the opportunity and the time to work on myself and the Healing process for my previous Traumas, which I will write about at a later time. I have learned to be more relaxed. I appreciate others more. I have learned to ask and accept help from others. I am still learning how to set limits for myself, but I am working on it. And I'm probably missing many many more blessings this brain can't think of right now and will as soon as I'm done writing this and doing something else. LOL BTW this took me over an hour to write.Because I spell horribly now and make alot of grammatical errors and forget about spacing. Oh WELL! Life goes on!

My faith has grown tremendously over the last 2 years and I trust God will be with me through all of these ups and downs. Whenever I need him, he's always there and makes everything work in the long run. He has a plan for me.It may not be what I thought it was but he has a greater purpose for me and I'm finding my way through all this.

I just want to say, trust in the Lord and you will not go wrong.

Psalm 56:4 "In God I will praise his word, in God I have put my trust; I will not fear what flesh can do unto me."

Psalm 37:3 "Trust in the Lord, and do good; so shalt thou dwell in the land, and verily thou shalt be fed."

Proverbs 3:5 "Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding,"

Romans 15:13 "Now the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, that ye may abound in hope, through the power of the Holy Ghost."

1 Timothy 4:10 "For therefore we both labour and suffer reproach, because we trust in the living God, who is the Saviour of all men, specially of those that believe."

2 Nephi 22:2 "Behold, God is my salvation; I will trust, and not be afraid; for the Lord JEHOVAH is my strength and my song; he also ha become my salvation."

Alma 36:3 "...for I do know that whosoever shall put their trust in God shall be supported in their trials, and their troubles, and their afflictions, and shall be lifted up at the last day."

Laurel

Welcome to my blog.

Welcome to my blog.  

I've been thinking about doing a blog page for awhile now but finally dove into it. So if you've found this page, you're either Family or Friends or were searching about a topic I have or will cover.  My life has definitely has it's ups and downs.  I'm finally at the point in my life that I'm not ashamed to tell others about them, they happened TO me, but don't define me.  I've grown alot in the past two years and many many years before that of alot of work too to get to this point in my life.  I have a much more positive outlook on life and my faith has grown tremendously.  I have begun to do speaking engagements about my experiences and have recently been asked to be on a board of SURVIVORS for one of the areas my trials are in.
I don't know how often I will be able to get on here but I will try to get on here as often as possible. I'm currently in the process of writing a book about my experiences, so hopefully this will help with that as well.The other thing is I used to be a great speller but thanks to a brain injury, I'm not good at that anymore.  But, thanks to spell checker that helps.  Sometimes I miss things though so I apologize in advance.  Also there's no grammar checker! LOL

So now for my Trials and hopefully some good blog topics for the future.
Well first I grew up with an alcoholic Father, so life in my home was all about a Big deep dark secret and there were good moments but alot of bad moments too.  He doesn't drink anymore, is married to a wonderful lady who I'm proud to call my Step-Mom and he's a much calmer person now. I Love you Dad!

My Mom was an abusive Mom at times.  I know it was because she was dealing with alot herself.  She was in a Alcoholic and Domestic Violence situation.  But, it took a toll on my life and made me the person I am today. She also isn't the same person she was growing up.  She's also calmed down alot and I'm finally able to have a better relationship with her.  I Love you Mom!

I was molested as a child by a so called family friend.  I didn't start having flashbacks of this until I was in my 20's.  I had no clue this happened to me before then.  My mind just shut down as a child and I put it deep deep in the back of my mind where I couldn't even find it. It did explain the recurring nightmare I had since I was a child though.  Which I'll share later.

Next, is that I struggled for years in school with a learning disability.  I have what is now known as Dyscalculia (the math form of Dyslexia.)  When things get overwhelming for me in a math problem, the numbers appear to start flying off the page and jumble around.  I had to work twice as hard as everyone else to get good grades.

I found out when I was 10 after falling on a trampoline and not being able to straighten my back that I was born with a defective vertebrae which causes another one to slip, called Spondylolisthesis.  Try spelling that at 10yrs old, which I did.  I was in a back brace my senior year of High School.  (Yes, what a great Senior year and memory! LOL)

Then I married a new convert to the church shortly after I was Baptized (oh, I'm a member of the church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints.)  He ended up being a mean man.  I left after 15 yrs of marriage, the last five were the worst. I realized I was in a Domestic Violence situation.

I had a serious car accident that I surprisingly survived thanks to my Heavenly Father watching over me. I literally got pulled from the driver's seat to the passenger's seat by 2 hands. Angels or God or whatever you want to believe. But I am here today because of it and a seat belt that came undone to allow this to happen. The driver side door was literally in the middle of the driver's seat.The EMT's on the scene thought I was paralyzed.  I visited them to thank them after I got a bit better to Thank them and was told that.   I had 2 more car accidents after this one.

Just after my accident, we found out my eldest son had cancer.  He was diagnosed with Osteosarcoma, bone cancer.  He was only 14 yrs old.  He was already a teenager, angry about the divorce and being brainwashed by his father into thinking it was all my fault and now he was angry about this as well.

Then I waited 9 years before I got remarried, it only lasted a year and a half.  It was also a Domestic Violence situation but I realized much sooner and had the confidence to leave much sooner.

Then I had a Mild Traumatic Brain Injury from a work injury. There's really NOTHING Mild about it though. It just means my head wasn't ripped open, no skull fracture, and no bleeding on the brain.  But I got head butted (yes that's right hit in the head by someone else's head.) by a client at work.  I worked with developmentally and physically challenged adults.  I was working one on one with an autistic client and he got frustrated and head butted me.  First, he was a BIG guy, like a football player.  Second, if I hadn't had all the other physical violence and car accidents in my life it may have gone away sooner but this was like the final straw that broke the camel's back.  

I'm having trouble working on a daily basis. Even when at work, I'm having more trouble concentrating on work and getting more dizzy spells at work. I've been either leaving earlier than my reduced hours schedule or missing work completely on difficult days. I'm having trouble paying my bills. In need help until my brain starts functioning normally again. It's frustrating, because looking at me on the outside I look normal. But, if you were to be able to get into my head, you would understand how this brain is not functioning at normal limits. I feel like I'm in a fog daily. I even forget my own name sometimes. It's so frustrating. I want my life back and to be able to get back to work someday but I need help for now. I'm a very independent person and it's been hard for me to have to ask for help. Mild Traumatic Brain Injury or Concussion. Frontal Lobe Head Injury caused by Head Butt causing Occipital nerve damage. Causing daily headaches changing in severity from 3 to 9 on the pain level scale. Dizziness with bending down, getting up too fast, and turning head. Off balance. Trouble with sleep. Out of sorts, in a dream state. Foggy head. Blurry vision when reading for long period. Sensitivity to lights and sound. Aphasia forming words, sentences. Short term or working memory loss. Executive Functioning issues including organization, planning, problem solving, Attention and concentration issues. Can’t multitask anymore. Trouble going up and down stairs. Lack of normal activity Movies, dancing, teaching Sunday school, board games with kids, Genealogy on the computer, housework is slacking.

So thank you for visiting my blog page and hope you get some inspiration from what I post.

Laurel