December 1, 2025

Well, again it's been awhile since I've written on here. Most importantly it was a cancer scares i had. The cluster of micro calcifications were not cancerous. Thank God! And I did alot of praying and alot of people were praying for me. 

We had a nice travel from WI to AZ via Iowa, Nebraska, Colorado, Utah, Nevada and finally to Mesa, AZ.

We'll be here until after Christmas, leaving Jan 1st. Heading to TX for 4 months. Then back to WI for the summer.

Been dealing with some depression over family issues.  Also dealing with increased mood swings from my husband's undiagnosed bipolar.  I just hope someday soon he'll seek treatment.  I know he'll feel much better if he does! I feel much better on my meds!

August 21st, 2025

Well I haven't been good about writing on here on a regular basis.  Life's been crazy lately.  Craig had his knee replacement surgery on August 13th. He's doing great but it's alot of work taking care of him. Just alot of lifting and moving around that I'm not used to.  He usually takes care of me. I had an annual mammogram before his surgery but they saw small calcifications on that. I had to do a diagnostic mammogram after his surgery.  Then they requested a biopsy for clarification.  I have that Sept 3rd and going crazy waiting.  Stressed to the max. A cancer diagnosis would change everything for us.

In the meantime, I'm also preparing to do a talk at Sojourner Family Peace Center's annual fundraiser, Be the Light Event on Sept 12th. It's their 50th Anniversary and I'm the only survivor speaking. I'm so excited for this opportunity. 

Aug 5th, 2025

Wow! Life's been crazy! Getting ready for Craig to have knee surgery.  Doing therapy pre surgery.  I started therapy today for my head injury. Balance and dizziness issues.  I'm just basically relearning exercises I've done in the past.  I'll try to keep up with them this time.

Craig had to do a pre check in for his dr's appt, and he told me to do it. But I was honest about his mental health, and they called. He was surprised but was answering honestly.  He downplayed it a bit, but I think he's starting to take his mental health a little more seriously.  At least, I'm hoping. 

I've also been busy writing my talk for Sojourner Family Peace Centers' annual fundraising gala. I will be the only survivor speaking this year, as it's the 50th Anniversary this year. So it's a bit different this year. I'm so honored to be chosen for this.

July 11th, 2025

 Well its been awhile since I've blogged.  We've been traveling from Arizona to Wisconsin.  Seeing friends and family along the way.  As well as interesting sites.  First we went to Kanub, UT and visited the Grand Canyon.  Craig had never been there, he was amazed by the beauty of it.  Then we got into Albuqurque and visited with a cousin.  Then found out her Aunt was going to be celebrating her 99th bday that Saturday and we were invited to come.  It waas a wonderful day!  We then went on to Oklahoma and got to see my friend from when our Dad's were in Germany together when we were 3 yrs old.  We had a blast reminising.  Then visited Kansas and saw my best friend from 4th grade.  She gave me a picture of the two of us at her bday party.  Next we went to Missouri to visit my cousin, my Dad's youngest brothers son.  After that we went to upper NE corner of Missouri and went to Nauvoo, IL which has the old Nauvoo with a Blacksmith shop and other old time stores and shops.  We left there and went to Olinwein, Iowa and drove about an hour north to Burr Oak, Iowa for the Laura Ingalls Wilder Days.  I'd never been and I'm so glad we got to be there that weekend.  From there we left and here's the crappy part, GPS took us on a road that went under a railroad bridge.  We both thought we wouldn't make it but we both said well let's try.  We got half way through the tunnel when we heard crunching.  We lost our AC and antenna on top of the roof.  What a mess!  No AC until we get to Milwaukee area and get it replaced and fixed.  The joys and frustrations of living full-time in an RV.  We're in Dodgeville for a family reunion right now and leave Tuesday for Milwaukee.  Today we went to Milwaukee for a funeral, a cousin of Craig's.  They want to do a reunion next summer.  I told his cousin I'd help with it.

June 5th, 2025

 Well traveling in an RV can be fun. Seeing new places, meeting new friends, visiting family and friends along the way. But I hate traveling days, at least the set up and taking down part.  Craig gets frustrated too easily.  We've started getting everything put away the night before we leave which helps him not be in a bad mood when we're supposed to be traveling and enjoying the views.

Once we get there, depending on how late it is, we get the least set up as possible.  The electricity, Jack's, and TV at least.

Craig I believe has undiagnosed Bipolar.  He gets these mood swings.  He gets upset with himself when things don't go right.  Coming from a domestic violence situation these episodes are triggers for me. But, he has never hit me and takes care of me. He treats me very well.  You can find a decent spouse after DV. You just need lots of therapy to get to that point.

Anyways, going to bed, we have an early start tomorrow morning.  We're heading for the Grand Canyon and Kanab, UT.

June 3rd, 2025

We'll I'm not posting everyday but I am keeping up every few days.  I try to write something before I go to bed.  While I'm winding down for the evening. 

Today hit me pretty hard with a trigger. I had heard about the 3 girls missing in Washington state from visitation with they're father.  Well today I found out that they found the girls murdered presumably by their father.

Evelyn, Paityn and Olivia Decker Story

https://www.nbcbayarea.com/news/national-international/washington-state-father-missing-daughters-dead/3883547/

You see, after I left my kids father, he told my 5 year old son that he was getting married again because he needed a new mommy for when I was gone.  He had also told me for years he would kill them before he let me have custody of them.  So I feared for all our lives.  Luckily he never followed through with it but the threats made me fearful. 

I had to do some grounding exercises to begin with.

Health line

https://www.healthline.com/health/grounding-techniques

Then I did self talk to remind myself I'm not there anymore and I survived all that.

This also reminded me of the story of 

Teri Jendusa-Nicolai David story

https://www.womansday.com/relationships/dating-marriage/a58621/teri-jendusa-nicolai-domestic-violence-survivor/

She survived an attack by her Ex husbands who beat her and left her in a storage unit during the middle of winter in Illinois in a garbage can for dead.  This happened shortly after I left my husband. 

I also did some writing in my "Shadow Work Journal" book by Keila Shaheen, I highly recommend this book if you’ve already been doing therapy work with a licensed therapist. I don't endorse or get paid to recommend any products. But, I personally really like this book and it was recommended by my therapist.

June 1, 2025

Today was overcast and raining, so of course it was a bad headache day!  Being the first of the month it was also Aimovig shot day, which helps my headaches not be so intense.  But, the weather definitely has its affects on my brain.

Other than that it's been a good day. Church was great and said goodbye to everyone since we're leaving on the 6th to head back to WI.

I just headed to bed and without realizing it I began pulling out my eyebrows. Trichotilliomania there you go again. I am taking NAC (N-Acetyl Cysteine) for it per my psychiatrist. It's supposed to help with hair pulling or Trichotilliomania. I was 50 some years old before I knew it had a name and that others had it too.  I've been pulling my eyelashes and eyebrows since I was a child.  I'm assuming I started after being molested by a so called family friend.   He told me if I told anyone that he'd kill me, my family, and all my friends.  That's also when I started having my recurring nightmare about aliens coming and killing my family and friends in my neighborhood.   That didn't stop until 2015 when I went to a writing workshop for survivors of sexual abuse.  I wrote about a recurring dream or nightmare I had. It was a nightmare for me.  But, I never had that nightmare again after writing about it.

Writing has really helped me work though alot of issues in my life. It's been very therapeutic. 

A few years ago I wrote a book about my experiences with domestic violence and other abuses I've had to deal with in my life.  It's called "But, I never got a Black eye." It's on Amazon.com  If you get it, all I ask is that you share it with others who need it.